Step Four. Jan 6th -  The light came on and someone was home!

According to the Gregorian calendar today is Epiphany - the day of lights.  This holiday in Christian circles is celebrated on different dates according to tradition and which calendar is being used.  In secular terms the word has been used to describe a flash of inspiration.  I think, however, that a real epiphany is the result of a conscious or unconscious  process leading to innovation whether that be personal, practical and scientific or spiritual.

This week, for me, has been somewhat of an epiphany and the culmination of a personal process that I have been both consciously and unconsciously working on for the past five years.  I had no idea that I was going to be writing about this today - it wasn't in my plan but I have found having a plan and insisting on going with it can lead to a very dry well of inspiration.

An ex of mine used to say about people he found dull or boring - "the lights on but no one's home."  He used to say it about me when I didn't catch a literary reference or was just plain not witty enough:-).  That relationship and many others took their toll because I was not able to be myself.  I was trying to become what others wanted me to be.  Sound familiar?  When we spend our lives trying to be what someone else wants us to be or thinks we should be we become lost, not grounded, out of touch with our very essence, some might call that the soul. Our inner happy person who is unique, an amazing member of community and family adapts and adapts until eventually the lights go out.

This can lead to eating disorders, excessive spending/shopping, avoiding, being constantly frustrated or sad or angry, addiction to drugs and or alcohol, co-dependency and poor physical and mental health etc etc.....

The problem is not that we are overweight, out of shape, depressed or using alcohol to escape - the problem is we don't know who we are.  The other stuff that impacts us daily is the result of a primal agony which has left us crying out to be heard.

Soooooo here comes the good news.  Phew!!!!!!

We can do something about it.  You are doing something about it, just by reading this blog.  You already know there is no magical fairy godmother about to come along and wave her wand - a thought that might make you want to give up right now - but STOP.  You have come this far, you have spent four days on this journey - and already you have accomplished a goals list, a list of what works and what doesn't and considered what you most LOVE about yourself and the ways in which YOU are unique.  Today we are going to continue on loving ourselves and here is the exercise:

Our step four exercise is to create a card for Our personal Epiphany Holiday.  When I have made mine (which I will do later) I will post it.  Don't worry if you are not artsy, or able to draw or don't have any art materials.  Find some paper - something to write and draw with, a glue stick, old magazines, pictures, whatever tickles your fancy and make  yourself a card that encompasses all the light that is in your life today, just as it is.  Put any thoughts about all the things that are wrong to one side and give yourself permission and  make time to create from your imagination something lovely just for you.

Once the outside is complete inside the card write your name and salutation and then a note, as you would in a card to a friend, telling yourself about what you have accomplished and sign it with LOVE from yourself.

When you have finished the card, make a note of how you felt at the beginning of the exercise and how you fee now.  Will you share it with me by email (, or post it online?  If you share it privately do so with someone who will respect your work and the intention behind the card.

OK it's list time - Record your successes for today.  These are mine

Eating wheat and gluten free*.  Drinking loads of water.

Breakfast:  Yogurt with sprinkled flax seeds and watermelon

Lunch:        Orange lentil dahl with sour cream

Dinner:        Roast chicken thighs with pan fried potato and roasted vegetables

Treats:         Green tea Matche latte, one home made kahlua filled truffle (simply delicious)

Beginning a final report for ARCC Society (been putting off since December:-))

Putting away all the Christmas decorations and creating a Christmas corner in the garage

and...of course...making time to write the blog.

* Recipe and meal suggestions page will be up by end of Sunday (I promise).  Please feel free to add/share recipes.

Now for the challenges....

Avoiding tidying up the office

Wanting to say YES to taking a course I can't afford right now (I didn't say YES so perhaps that's a success but I'm dealing with feeling disappointed)

Spending $4.50 on the green tea matche not in my budget AGAIN!

Quote for today:  

The power of love to change bodies is legendary, built into folklore, common sense, and everyday experience.  Love moves the flesh, it pushes matter around.... Throughout history, "tender loving care" has uniformly been recognized as a valuable element in healing.  ~Larry Dossey

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